The Regime Explained
FOOD NAZISM runs the gamut. The original term “Food Nazi” was coined in reference to my father, who continues to epitomize what I call the right-wing Food Nazi regime. His regime consisted of tight oversight of food consumption: not food as pleasure, but food as economy and efficiency. My father forbade the excessive consumption of raw seafood, red meats (especially well-marbled cuts), and the use of oils. Salt was frowned upon, oyster sauce was outright banned, and spicy foods and fried foods were taboo by the very nature they were (as the Cantonese call it) “yeet hay,” which literally means hot air though its real meaning implies the unhealthy imbalance of hot chi to cold chi. And, sweets were definite no-no's. After-dinner snacks were limited to fresh fruits, namely citrus (my father has an obsession with citrus fruits which he believed could cure every disease known to man).
Having lived under my father’s right-wing regime for quite some time now, my mother and I have started to develop our own distinct counterculture: the left-wing regime. As left-wing Food Nazis, my mother and I support the same degree of oversight with respect to food consumption, but for reasons that run completely counter to my father’s. As left-wing Food Nazis, our goals are purely indulgent. We eat what we love and shun what we find distasteful. Our food is, to put it plainly, of the people, for the people, and by the people—in essence, our food extremism is definitively democratic.
But, the stakes are high nonetheless, as my father continues to rule with an iron fist, particularly in our home kitchen. Fortunately, my mother and I, however, are growing accustomed to it. And, knowing the odds we are up against, we have come up with ways to circumvent my father’s right-wing oversight. On evenings when my father has the night shift, we usually relish in tucking away beautifully marbled cuts of New York steaks or juicy oven-roasted lamb shanks. And, an extra pinch of salt or a dab of oyster sauce when my father isn’t looking usually does the trick.
The only real problem with having clashing food regimes in one family arises in the eating out. My father has an annoying tendency of regulating what we order and what we don’t at every single dining establishment. “You sure you want that?” My father will interrogate me for minutes on end, implicating his general disapproval for my particular choice of entree. This occurs most when ordering meat dishes, raw seafood, or spicy Korean food. He persists with his interrogation until finally you are left with two options: stand your ground or concede defeat. The problem with the former option is that you often run the risk of potentially order an unpalatable dish only to be met with a string of “I told you so’s” from the right-wing Food Nazi—suffering utter humiliation for the left-wing front.
Lately though, the left-wing regime has seen an increasingly higher success rate while standing its ground in the face of severe right-wing oppression. Regular trips to my sister’s and my favorite Korean restaurant, generally vetoed on the spot by the Food Nazi, have somehow found their way into several monumental instances of favorable compromise. Suffice it to say, there is a glimmer of hope. Who says democracy doesn't win in the end?
Picture: "No soup for you!" - Soup Nazi from Seinfeld
Hello! Keep up the great work, Cheers!
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Anonymous |
2:59 PM
I've just been hanging out not getting anything done, but so it goes. It's not important. I haven't been up to much today.
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spaghetti alla carbonara
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